In personal development, one of the main goals is to achieve happiness. What often stands in the way are “negative” emotions that linger on. Most people have some of these emotions, either repressed or lasting with no outlet. Some are low level, some are strong.
I am focusing on 'letting out anger' in this article because I feel it is one of the worst. It is crippling; it colours everything you do in your life and is often linked with depression.
1. For Releasing Anger, We Need to Understand That Anger is Crippling
I used to suffer from massively pent-up emotions; while I was often described as a teddy bear guy, I had massively pent-up anger and to a lesser extent, sadness. When I blew up, I blew up. I became verbally abusive and irrational – often this would only be shown to, and therefore unintentionally hurt, the people who love me the most and are the closest to me. This led to a deep depression that lasted for more then a year – and badly deteriorating physical health.
So trust me; be honest with yourself, and find out if you have anger issues. If you do, take steps to fix it – for yourself and those who love you.
Besides being a major step towards happiness, there are other benefits to dropping all that emotional weight from your shoulders. Self-esteem, confidence, and courage are other parts that develop as you deal with anger.
From a biblical perspective, anger is seen as a destructive force that can cripple a person's spiritual and emotional well-being. James 1:20 reminds believers that anger does not produce righteousness, saying, "Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." Ultimately, the Bible teaches us to seek peace, self-control, and forgiveness instead of allowing anger to cripple us.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice."- Ephesians 4:31
2. For Releasing Anger, We Need to Understand Anger and Sadness First
The first step to dealing with it is to understand anger. Anger is not “negative”. It is simply an energy; an emotion. It serves as a protection system. When you get angry, it is a sign that something or someone is infringing on you or your rights.
It is not to be confused with blind rage; blind rage is when you start being abusive; when you start being violent towards inanimate objects, or worse, other people. That is not healthy.
I heard a great analogy once; emotions are like vegetables. When they are fresh, they are fine, when you hold it in for a long time, that’s when they become toxic. They explode to the surface and manifest themselves in unhealthy ways. It could also lead to cancer, stress, and several other nasty conditions.
In the Bible, anger and sadness are acknowledged as natural emotions that humans experience. However, believers are encouraged to exercise wisdom and self-control when dealing with these emotions. Psalm 30:5 reminds us that sadness may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. The biblical perspective encourages individuals to seek understanding, relying on God's wisdom and guidance to navigate and overcome these emotions in a healthy and God-honoring manner.
"Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools." - Ecclesiastes 7:9
3. For Releasing Anger We Need to Understand How to Deal with Anger
There are a few universal exercises for releasing anger across all the different sorts of methodologies and therapies I’ve researched. I’ve captured the essence here.
Often times you need to do this a few times. Pain comes in waves, and often times one such exercise won’t be enough to release all that pent-up energy.
1. Try to trace it back to the roots, understand it, and try to give it a voice. There are many causes of anger or sadness; bad parenting, childhood bullies, and so on. As you’ll see below, this is vital, as the vocal component is the most important.
Note: If it is something that you cannot handle, please do not feel ashamed to seek out professional help. And avoid self-destruction; numbing of the pain with alcohol, drugs, or other risky behaviour.
2. Find a safe location. Somewhere you can scream and act out your anger and sadness – either alone, or with an understanding person. With each one of the following options, remember you need to scream out – all the words you’ve always wanted to say – while you are doing it. Even if it’s just a string of vulgarities, do it!
3. Let it all out. You might feel weird and self-conscious doing this, it’s normal. Don’t give up. Just do it over and over again until you feel that all your repressed anger is gone. You'll know when this happens, instinctively. It might take weeks, it might take days, it’s different for everyone.
The three steps
Do this in a safe location. Kneel on your bed like you're praying. Find a large pillow. Make a hammer fist with your hands. Not a boxing style fist, you might your wrist. And pound the pillows, with all your might until you can’t go any more.
Sometimes twisting is better. Find a towel, and twist it like you are trying to wring out every last drop of water.
Sometimes just screaming is good enough. Go somewhere abandoned, with some loud music put on maximum and scream with your whole body. Become the yell. Yell until your whole body trembles.
According to the Bible, you can follow these steps to deal with Anger
Recognize and acknowledge your anger: It is important to acknowledge your anger and understand its root cause. Proverbs 14:29 states, "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly."
Practice self-control: The Bible emphasizes the importance of self-control in managing anger. Proverbs 16:32 advises, "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city."
Seek reconciliation and forgiveness: Instead of holding onto anger, strive for reconciliation and forgiveness. Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:23-24, "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."
Pray for guidance and transformation: Turn to God in prayer, seeking His guidance and asking for a transformation of your heart. Psalm 4:4 encourages, "Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent."
Replace anger with love and kindness: Choose to respond to anger with love and kindness, following the example of Christ.
"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." - Ephesians 4:31-32
By applying these principles and seeking God's help, one can effectively deal with anger in a manner that aligns with the biblical perspective.
Conclusion
In conclusion, according to the biblical perspective, dealing with anger involves recognizing and acknowledging it, practicing self-control, seeking reconciliation and forgiveness, praying for guidance and transformation, and replacing anger with love and kindness. By following these principles and relying on God's wisdom and strength, individuals can manage their anger in a healthy and God-honoring way. Remembering verses such as Proverbs 14:29 and Ephesians 4:31-32 can serve as a guide in navigating and overcoming anger, leading to greater peace, reconciliation, and personal growth.
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